On Oscar night, it’s only appropriate to note the similarities between humans and monkeys. Not just because any awards for Benjamin Button will make me want to throw my own feces at the TV screen (I haven’t seen the movie, but it seems like mediocrity in movie form). But because it’s a night when our monkey-like tendencies are on particularly proud display.

Humans like to watch and hear about celebrities. Much like monkeys… which a famous experiment found were willing to give up delicious fruit juice for the opportunity to look at pictures of higher-status monkeys (think watching Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt on the red carpet). Conversely, monkeys must be paid in delicious juice to look at pictures of lower-status monkeys (think watching documentaries about the countries from which Angelina snatches up babies).

So, get your juice boxes, park yourselves in front of a TV, and jump up and down screeching for your favorite actors and actresses. Me? I’ve had to switch to CNN to avoid seeing Hugh Jackman’s painful opening number. You’d need to pay me a lot of juice to get me to change the channel back. Does that mean I consider Hugh Jackman a lower-status money? Or do I just value my ears and dignity?