The questions for tonight’s GOP YouTube debate are doubtless already selected. Nonetheless, here are scripts for 10 questions I’d like to see asked:

• [dressed as an altar boy] Mayor Giuliani, Monsignor Alan Placa is a Catholic priest credibly accused of — well, he’s a Catholic priest, so we already know what of. You’ve stood by Msgr. Placa, and reportedly he still draws a salary at Giuliani Partners. What gives?
• [dressed as … I don’t know … the First Amendment] Senator McCain, you’ve campaigned as a staunch ally of the pro-life movement. Yet, in appointing judges, it seems you might have a hard (if not impossible) time finding jurists who would strike down Roe v. Wade while upholding your political-speech restrictions. Doesn’t this disqualify you on the judges question right out of the gate?
• [dressed as Big Love from “House”] Governor Romney, would you appoint a qualified Muslim to a cabinet post?
• [dressed as Chuck Norris] Governor Huckabee, you say you’re a “different kind of conservative.” Can you name one way in which this doesn’t simply mean “big-government conservative”?
• [dressed as just a guy] Oh, Senator Thompson, I forgot you were still here … Uh … Um … You’re still here?
• [dressed as a Mexican immigrant … without being offensive] Mayor Giuliani, in the 1990s, as mayor of New York City, you decried an “anti-immigrant wave” sweeping America. Now you’re part of a new anti-immigrant wave. Please explain what changed in the intervening years — without using the word “9/11.”
• [dressed as a cancer patient … again, somehow not offensively] OK, Senator Thompson, since you are still here … You’ve campaigned as a consistent federalist. I applaud that. Does your federalism extend to stopping the federal government from shutting down medical-marijuana dispensaries in the states?
• [dressed as an atheist … whatever that might mean] Governors Huckabee and Romney, both of you have implied heavily — or stated outright — that your faith is what qualifies you for office. Could an atheist be qualified for the presidency?
• [dressed as a Klansman … this one will be offensive] Congressman Paul, your campaign has gotten a surprising amount of support from the “9/11 truth” movement and white supremacists. Do you have any message for them tonight?
• To all the candidates, how do you pronounce this word?: [hold up placard with the word: “nuclear”]

This could end up being the last debate (other than the Spanish-language one on Univision) before the voting starts. So, that’s at least a relief.