If it weren’t on the FEMA Web site, I’d have thought it was a hoax. In December of 2004, failed Arabian horse lawyer Michael Brown gave a commencement address at Florida Institute of Technology University.

The dramatic conclusion:

You should expect to make mistakes.

You should expect to fall down.

You should even expect to fail at a few things.

Well, check, check and check.

He also talks about taking the “scenic route” in life. Is that the same route the federal government took to New Orleans?

Here’s the whole thing:

Statement of Under Secretary Michael D. Brown

Florida Institute of Technology University
Melbourne, Florida

December 18, 2004
Fall Commencement Address

President Catanese, members of the board, university faculty and administrators, students, proud parents and family members, friends, thanks for this honor. I can’t wait to tell my parents and see the smiles on their faces. We always like to please our parents…regardless of how old we are! This will be cherished for as long as I live.

As you know, I’ve spent a lot of time in Florida since August 13 of this year…thanks to Tropical Storm Bonnie, and Hurricanes Charley, Frances, Jeanne and Ivan. For those who are visitors today, I welcome you to my adopted home state. On paper I currently reside in Alexandria, Virginia and work in Washington, DC, but we all know that I am now a Floridian. I am reminded of my new residency every time I speak with Governor Jeb Bush.

Let me take a moment and give you a brief Florida hurricane recovery update from the Federal Emergency Management Agency, known as FEMA. In September we opened our Disaster Field Office a few miles from here in Orlando. This office handles everything related to the storms that devastated so much of Florida and this office will remain open for as long as it takes for FEMA to provide assistance to those in need.

* To date, almost 1.2 million Floridians have registered for state and federal assistance.
* To date, we have approved over $470 million in housing assistance and provided over $166 million in rental assistance to over 134 thousand applicants.
* To date, we have completed over 785,000 housing inspections and we are providing manufactured housing to many in need.
* Housing continues to be pivotal in the recovery operation and, to date, we have provided 11,054 travel trailers and 1,065 mobile homes. Housing is a priority…for FEMA and the state of Florida. We are partners with the state and work everyday to ensure that residents who need housing will receive housing.

My work at the Department of Homeland Security and FEMA is very rewarding because it is public service. I enjoy helping people so much that I would probably do what I do as a volunteer. I was born and raised in Oklahoma and spent a great deal of my adult life in Oklahoma, so I‘ve been through tornadoes, frigid winters and fire-dry summers. I’ve seen what happens to families when they least expect it. Even one small disaster, such as a house fire, is devastation.

One of my early public service jobs in Oklahoma involved my working with local first responders, particularly fire departments. I was the Assistant City Manager and I recall one Christmas season that seemed to have a record number of fires and I watched a home literally go up in smoke. Every thing that the family owned was destroyed. There was nothing that the fire department could do…the fire spread so quickly and rapidly. Fortunately, no one lost his or her life. Sadly, preparedness was not a part of our every day dialogue and the family had no firm “what-if” contingency plans…today preparedness is a part of our daily lives.

When I speak about preparedness, the words come from the heart. Even in the midst of the holiday season, we still have to be prepared for a disaster, which could be natural or man-made such as the chemical spill that occurred on this past Thursday in East Point and the city of Atlanta, Georgia. The vapors from the spill were intense and affected more than 5,000 people living in neighborhoods and communities around 50 streets. This is what we call “all-hazards” and this is why we have to prepare for the unexpected.

I’ve spent most of my entire life in public service. I sincerely believe that it is one of the greatest callings…the ministry is probably the highest calling. Because I believe so strongly in public service, I want to chat with the graduates about the future. If you are expecting one of those traditional graduation speeches encouraging you to reach for the stars, or the future is yours so take the reins and you will accomplish the unthinkable, then you are in for a surprise.

Yes, I believe that each of you has the world at your beckoning call, but I also believe that you should take advantage of the “scenic route” when the opportunity arises. In fact, there may be times when the “scenic route” is what we are faced with. We are human and life offers us lots of fruits. There is an old saying that goes something like this ‘…if life deals you lemons, then you should make lemonade…’ Well, today I am going to chat about those ingredients.

I’ll bet many of you are saying, “…I am getting my degree in chemical engineering or chemistry or space science or aviation or psychology…I’ve interned at NASA and I have a job at the Jet Propulsion Lab…Who is Michael Brown to tell me about the scenic route in life…just who is this guy who works hard leading the nation’s premier emergency response agency in assisting victims across the world?”

Well, let me tell you about me…I come from a city that is very small and very rural in Oklahoma where everyone knows one another. Like many of you I worked my way through college. While pursuing my undergraduate degree, I worked at a manufacturing job assembling pre-fab doors for homes. I even worked in construction building homes. The good part of all this is that during my formative years as a young adult I married my childhood sweetheart, Tamara…whose father delivered me into this world 50 years ago. But I want you to know that there has never been a time in my life when I did not work, doing whatever was necessary to put food on the table for my family and maintain dignity. Those are the jobs you find and have to perform on the “scenic route” in life.

For some it might be pursuing a vocation, even though you have a college degree or even two or three college degrees. For others it may be focusing on family (husband, wife, kids and even parents) and maybe working after a period of time. For others it may well be graduate school, followed by a career and family. Then for some, the scenic route may be the military, protecting our nation and the world.

Whatever you do, don’t forget to inhale all there is because it is virtually impossible to relive yesterday. All that you really have is today – tomorrow is a distant dream.

As you take the scenic route, don’t forget the people who have made it possible for you.

First, remember your parents and guardians. Each of you has an obligation to make them proud. In many instances they neglected themselves so that you could enjoy your college years. Even when you disagreed, your parents and guardians remained your staunchest supporters, often times serving as co-presidents, secretaries and, most importantly, treasurers of your fan club. They managed your schedules and your budgets, and they were your chauffeurs, housekeepers and chefs.

Second, remember your professors. It has been said that everything you need in life was learned in kindergarten. Let’s take that to another level since we are at FIT, everything that you needed in life has been tested on this campus. Although times have changed since I was in college, I am sure that many of you enjoyed yourselves every now and then. That’s OK because that is what you are supposed to do as you prepare for life. You should have some fun memories to go with those serious ones.

As you continue to make those memories, remember to have passion for life and all that it brings you on the scenic route. You’ve heard them before – doing things right, being a good citizen, treating others the way that you want to be treated – they may sound “uncool” in today’s fast paced instant communication world, but as you become more mature you will find yourself reflecting upon these wisdoms to guide you daily.

This politically correct world that we live in often prohibits a speaker from saying certain things. I am a public servant and this makes it even harder for me because I really want to encourage each of you to keep faith and hope in your hearts. Anytime you get remotely close to spirituality, someone gets nervous. I am not a minister nor do I profess to know all that there is to know about religion, but I do believe that you have to believe in some type of higher power.

President George W. Bush is a man of great faith. He doesn’t wear it on his sleeve; he simply carries it in his heart. The President’s decisions are guided by his faith. As all of you know, President Bush has had to make some tough decisions because of the unwarranted acts of others.

Further, I have seen firsthand how communities have overcome the effects of tornadoes, wildfires and hurricanes in 2003 and 2004 to rebuild and rejoin this nation. It takes faith and a belief that you can move forward. I don’t believe that you can rebuild a town without a firm focus and strong faith that it can be done.

Just as natural disasters occur in our communities, so too do they occur in our personal lives. Very few graduation speakers will say this in their speeches -

You should expect to make mistakes.

You should expect to fall down.

You should even expect to fail at a few things.

If everything in life were perfect, then you would never have been an infant, a toddler, a little kid, a teenager and now an adult.

If everything in life was perfect, you would have been born an adult, wearing a business suit, holding a briefcase and heading for work every day, contributing to the financial fabric of this nation, commonly referred to as paying taxes.

But everything in life is not perfect, so expect to make those mistakes, expect to fall down every now and then, and expect to occasionally fail at something. There will always be someone along the way who is willing to help pick you up.

I hope that each of you will enjoy the fruits of your labor in life. These fruits will be lemons and passions. There will be natural sugar and even artificial sweeteners, but in the end everything will be fine because your generation is prepared. Your parents, guardians and professors have already guided you to this point. It is up to you to decide how to enjoy life’s scenic route.

Congratulations graduates, and good luck!

This remarkable piece of oratory was unearthed by M.O. guest blogger and serial bigamist Jacob Gershman.